Cracks in the Wall: Prologue

Friends, a few months ago, I decided to write a book detailing my own experiences coping with post-traumatic stress disorder and providing my own tips and strategies for managing stress, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. In an effort to hold myself more accountable, I plan to release each chapter, one at a time, on Dylan’s Public Journal. As always, I appreciate your continued support in this journey we call life.

I decided to write this book to share my personal experiences with the world, in hopes you, the reader, might find it useful. As I type this book, I have not yet reached my thirty-second birthday. However, I believe my own traumatic experiences, coupled with my work to live with post-traumatic stress disorder, might assist you in your own inner journey.

As with many books on trauma, I will issue my own trigger warning in this prologue. Certain experiences I share may traumatize you. You’re welcome to skip those passages, as necessary, and focus more on my work to live with PTSD. I’ve attended therapy with several different therapists, read countless books on trauma, and spent many hours journaling and meditating to reach my current state: living with PTSD.

I’m hesitant to use the word “overcome” when it comes to trauma, because I firmly believe that word creates the false perception about how humans heal. We cope with trauma, we learn to live with trauma and find our own version of happiness, but we do not fully overcome trauma, because it will always be a part of us.

I’ve reached a point in my recovery where I tend to have more good days than bad days, but I still find myself triggered by the stories I tell others, and often by the stories others tell me. As I wrote the above paragraphs, my heart rate rose inadvertently, my breathing grew sharp and less rhythmic, and I looked for excuses to stand up and take a break. However, I’ve developed many tools to cope with intrusive thoughts and feelings and move on with my day, rather than allowing it to consume me. I hope this book allows you to develop tools of your own on your quest to live a happy life.

We should never compare our traumas. Many of my traumatic experiences occurred during my service in the United States military, but I do not want that to undermine your own stressors. I believe we can develop PTSD from many different types of stressors, including failed relationships and marriages, near-death experiences, or events in the news. In fact, a key reason why people develop post-traumatic stress disorder is not related to the severity of the incident at all. Instead, the severity of one’s PTSD often comes from the degree to which one processed that incident and moved on from it in a healthy way.

In her book, Unf#ck your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Depression, Anger, Freak-outs, and Triggers, Faith G. Harper discussed what she refers to as the three-month rule. For example, people who don’t work through and process trauma from a failed relationship within three months are far more likely to develop PTSD. Your emotions are valid, your trauma is valid, and we will work through it together. If you learn to respect yourself, you will learn to stop invalidating yourself, too.

I do not intend to write a big, long, and boring book about my life. This work is less about me and more about providing you, the reader, with ways and means to help you through your own complex journey of life. Still, I do believe you will benefit from hearing some of what I’ve experienced, as it will certainly come up again when I describe the years it took for me to reach the point where I am now.

I hope you find this book helpful. If this book only helps one person, it will still have been worth it. I hope you are eventually able to journal about your own experiences, or at least share those stories with those closest to you. I hope you know you are not alone, and you don’t need to go through what you’re experiencing alone. Most importantly, I hope you find the peace, happiness and love you are searching for.

Excited to read on? You can now read Chapter One here.

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